Assessments - 2, GPA: 4
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JK01 C C o n gratulations on your purchase of Excalibu r Electronics’ Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator. You can use it as a calculator, a clock, an alarm clock, a joke machine, a pretend friend, or a doorstop. You’ll have hours of fun playing with it, especially if you take it out of the box first. Your Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator is easy to use, but be sure to use it safely. It may be hard to believe, but there are people who could actually hurt themselves with a gadget like this. Hey ... are you one of them? Before starting, please read this manual thoroughly, especially noting safety, care and battery information (there may be a pop quiz on Monday). And then keep this manual for reference ... do not sell it on eBay ... especially if you jot down your favorite recipes or unimportant relatives’ phone numbers in the margins. And remember, there are lots of other great joke gadgets available at The legendary King A rthur brandished a magic swo rd , E x c a l i bu r, f rom which we t a ke our company name. With this unique weapon in his hands,he could not be vanquished. Although Excalibur Electronics can ’t claim the magical secrets of Merl i n , K i n g A rt h u r ’s court wizard , sometimes our patented technology may make it seem as if we could. Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator is another unmatched innovation of E x c a l i bur Electro n i c s . We make you think. Installing the Batteries Your Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator requires three A A A batteries. They are included. To replace the batteries, turn J a c k i e ’s Talking Comedy Calculator over so that the unit is fa c e - d own on a soft surfa c e . Please be gentle ... you don’t want it to get a boo-boo. Find the battery compartment on the back of the unit. I know you can do it. Use a small Phillips screwdriver to remove the screw. (Who was this guy “Phillips,” any way? W hy doesn’t anybody get the credit for the “regular” screwdriver? Or was it a guy named “Regular”?) Lift off the battery compartment lid. Install the batteries, making sure to match polarity (+ and -). Place the tab of the battery compartment lid in its slot and close the compartment door. Wo n d e r out loud, “Did I put them in right?” Replace the screw and gently tighten it. Do your laundry. Balance your checkbook. Eat three balanced meals a day. Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator may lock up due to static discharge or other electrical disturbances. If this should happen, use a slim, pointed object to press the button marked “RESET” on the back of the unit. 3 Layout of Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator TALKING/ LCD COMEDY ALARM TONE/ SOUND JACKIE ON/OFF SAVE JOKE DATE ENCORE TIME SET ALARM CLOCK CE AC JOKE M-/TIME SET UNIT/ DIGIT M+/DATE SET MC/ENTER MR/ALARM REPLAY WHAT? JOKE RESET (on back) 4 Button and Switch Functions CALCULATOR: The following buttons are used for calculator functions: 0-9, +, -, ?, ., ·, =, %, CE, AC, M+ /DAT E S E T, M- /T I M E S E T, M R/A L A R M S E T, M C/E N T E R a n d U N I T/D I G I T. After seeing how m a ny functions there are, yo u may choose to revert to longhand. In that case, please re-package J a c k i e ’s Talking Comedy Calculator and give it to your brother-in-law for his birthday. CLOCK/ALARM CLOCK: The following buttons are used for clock and alarm clock functions: TIME, DATE, ALARM CLOCK, M+/DATE SET, M-/TIME SET, MR/ALARM SET and MC/ENTER. The following button cannot be used for any clock or alarm clock function, and, in fact, cannot be found on the unit: Tuna Fish Sandwich. JOKE (the button with the smiling Jackie cartoon): Press to play a joke. Want another one? Press it again. Want anoth ... you get it. WHAT?: Press to play some random silliness. Oh, we’re wacky. REPLAY: Press to replay the last sound. This can be repeated, and then that can be repeated. S O U N D: Slide this to turn the sound “On” or “Off.” When sliding from “On” to “Off,” a high- pitched “Beep, beep!” is heard, and when sliding from “Off ” to “ O n ,” a sound of “Whoa!” is heard. When you slide the switch from “On” to “Off,” you hurt Jackie’s feelings. If you slide the switch from “Off ” to “On,” and then immediately slide it back from “On” to “Off,” you should consider finding more productive ways of spending your time. TA L K I N G/C O M E DY: When the “TALKING/COMEDY” switch is set to “Comedy,” after the unit (magi c a l ly) performs a calculator function, and Jackie barks the result, he also makes a short comment. The comments are for the most part ridiculous, are meant to amuse, and in no way reflect the opinions of Excalibur Electronics or any of the people who use their building for shade on hot days in Miami. ALARM TONE/JACKIE: Slide this to select the type of alarm sound. When sliding from “Jackie” to 5 “Tone,” a sound of “Beep, beep” is heard, and when sliding from “Tone” to “Jackie,” a sound of “Alarm, alarm, alarm” is heard. When sliding on your fa n ny across a wet rubber mat in your bathing suit, a sound ...